I am thinking what to write about, the problem isn't that i have no idea, actually I have too many running in my mind I just don't know how to put them all in order. It's odd when I am looking in the mirror I see myself half a kid half an adult. It's quite a paradox the kid in me wants to grow up put can't cuz kids will always be kids, and the adult in me wants to be a kid again cuz it can't bear the sufferings and responasabilities of adulthood, wants to turn back but it's impossible.
So this is me stuck here in a place where I don't wanna be. How do I feel well you'b the scared to know, but I can put all in my feelings into one word: suffocated. By what, oh let's see: the appartement, the neighbourhood, the job, my family, me. I am 22 and and this is not exactly how i picture my life to be at this age. I mean i go to work, come home, sleep, watch films, go to church...come on I feel like I already jumped to 50.
And honestly why to I have to bear others faliures, missfoutuned, loneliness ....it's not my fault that others screwed up their lives, do I have to serve them all my life. It's not my fault they don't learn from their mistakes and move in a circle, why do they force me to move in the same circle?
I am screaming on the inside for help I want a life...but not this one, not like this.
Who am I? I don't know I wonder, I am wating for something to happen but it doesn't, I am trying to make something happen, but it doesn't. Sometimes I feel I am cursed...I am in a box and can't seem to break through. Sometimes I am a monster who hurts others cuz she hurt, other times for a while I see the light at the end of the tunnel,but it's gone when I look again.
All I know is that I want out of the box...and i am wondering will i ever be set free. I am screaming for help does anybody hear me????
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